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Great expectations: How to keep them from creating unhappiness

Know when to let go (and what that means)

If you're constantly feeling resentful or frustrated, consider your expectations. "I think about this equation: 'Disappointment equals expectations minus reality,'" says Peterson. You can't change your reality, but you can adjust your expectations.

Negative emotions are part of life. But if they're happening again and again, think about how you might shift your expectations to align with what's possible right now.

You might feel hurt that your adult child doesn't call or visit as much as you wish. But that frustration isn't going to promote forward movement, says Peterson. You may not be able to make your child visit as often as you would like.

What you can do is adjust your expectations. You may not like it, but aligning your expectations to the reality may help lessen the disappointment you feel. Sometimes you have to step back and recognize the limits of what you can control.

Letting go of certain expectations can be hard. But it doesn't mean lowering them. There's a difference. You're not saying it will never be; you're saying this is where things are at right now.

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